plums in puget sound

I'll always be looked this way

2011-09-17T22:46:00.001-07:00

And no matter how much I'll grow up,
Or curse,
Scream,
Or anything,
I'll always be cute.

Fantastic.

how am i now?

2011-09-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

i don't take my medicine anymore

i don't

but i will

i know i will

soon

college

2011-06-22T13:31:00.001-07:00

today i cleaned out my room
and it looks awesome because almost nothing is in there
and it reminds me
that i can't wait to leave this house

college here i come

my heart

2011-06-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

okay so i feel like i'm lacking
but i am feeling better, i promise. life has turned around tremendously, and i've found those who truly care for me. and i love them for it.

had a boyfriend
keyword : HAD
i don't know what happened honestly
i wish i did know, because it kills me that it just ended
right before my birthday
il est un merde
but maybe i know why,
and you probably know too.

so i've cried, i still cry
i don't do broken hearts well
so i've decided that i shouldn't do hearts at all
and i think it's relieving actually....
yes, i quite like it.

i still cry sometimes, because those green pills don't fix everything
but i think i'm fine now.

fun

2011-05-31T18:51:00.001-07:00

well that was fun while it lasted

the past is not now

2011-04-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

If you were to love me the way i love you
The world might be a better place
I might smile the way I use to do
You might admire the way I stare at you
You might stroke my lips with adoration
I might kiss your cheek without hesitation
I might be happy, I might be elated
The world would be my oyster
And not my cage
But I cannot force you to love, or care
This would not be fair
You might hate me, I might be a fool
But I just really hate me too
I am distressed, oh how I am cursed
To live with the person I am, I have no choice
I want to be the person you want me to be
I want to be beautiful,
I want you to see me.
Oh, under these troubles do I sink lower, into mire
Love's weight do I sink under
How do I change for you! Oh how I hate who I am
I'm not efficient enough, and I see
My face is freckled, just like skin that is battered and bruised
My voice is a crow
Put me in a noose! I want to die rather than living another day
Not being the person I want to be for you.
For you, id give my whole life
My whole life for you.
Love's suppression am I under
Forever

white hair pink clogs

2011-04-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

i just want to go back to the way things used to be, maybe with a few modifications here and there <3

hey guys

2011-04-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

i know, a long time without an update
let me write 4 things:

1)i've denounced affiliated religion for now
2) i have a wonderful boyfriend
3) i'm on spring break, yet it is still rainy
4) my skin is really soft

questions?

ha talk about mindfucked

2011-03-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

hey what about this

i delete everything that has to do with other people, live under a rock, and die there

sounds legit to me

boring me

2011-03-19T23:43:00.000-07:00

guys, i am so boring. soooo booooring. even normal teenage stuff is foreign to me. my life is so stuck! why can't I just get some excitement?

my friend lent me this book, yada yada yada. save your perverted comments because i've heard them all before. :p i leave him cute notes in the shape of hearts for him to find when i give them back, signing my name in swirly letters ending in "♥ , melissa". i don't think my feelings are reciprocated. but that's fine, admitting a problem is the first step to solving it. i'm saying it loud and proud.

now if i could tell it to his face, things would be easier kthx

bubble bathing

2011-03-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

oh gosh, let me see here

i wish i could post pretty words again. but i can't pull any love out of my heart. and now i realized that God needs to be in my life again, because being without him has been hell on earth

i also wish that i could just not have any feelings towards anyone, but hormones rage forever

i'd also like to say that i am proud that i did smile earnestly this week. i had a whole day where i did not want to sleep all day. so maybe things are getting a bit better. but i still have to see someone.

but right now, i just want to have a longggggg bubble bath. but i have no bubbles. crying forever.

many affections <3

i'm not sure

2011-03-08T19:15:00.000-08:00

i'm scared that i will never amount to anything other than a woman that has nothing in her life to look forward to, barely clinging to a job at wal-mart running the express lane living a routine that has no definite happiness. what if my dreams don't come true, or i don't realize them until it's too late? i have motivation, it's just not put towards anything.... and i don't know what to do. everyone's high school career is amazing, and i'm in a rut that i've been in for months upon months upon months. i'm not hopeless, maybe confused and helpless are better adjectives.

sometimes i think that i need to chill out and relax, but how can i knowing that i'm falling farther and farther behind? i have nothing that sets me apart from anyone, i am nothing. just another fish in the sea, just another piece of dust in the air, just another girl in the human race amounting to nothing, wasting away... i hate that about myself. i hate that i just can't go out there and do anything amazing. and i ask myself why all the time, and sometimes i come up with answers and sometimes i don't. today is an answer day.

i'm not smart enough
i'm not strong enough
i don't have the same goals as others
i barely have confidence in myself

it seems a little stupid for me to complain about how i want to change a million things about myself and not doing anything about it. but i've tried, i've tried so hard... and i burned myself out doing it. i don't think anyone will ever know how much i let myself lower to a level of evil that i would have never expected myself to ever be in in a million years. people tell me to relax, but i'm still in a rut that i seem helpless to get out of.

if i try too hard, my soul dies
if i try too little, my future dies

what is the right amount for a content heart and soul?

maybe i've been running this race too long without the right Help.

God help me

i washed it all down the sink

2011-03-05T11:54:00.001-08:00

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i'm better

u.s.s maine

2011-03-02T21:44:00.000-08:00

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there are a million different things going on right now

and it's a pain knowing this

and not caring

i might be becoming a misanthrope

i am number four

2011-02-25T22:22:00.000-08:00

(credit -friend) (credit)
this is me with my beautiful friend oleg at borders

what a good friend he is!

things might get better, i don't know

going to the doctors friday

hopefully a week will go by where i won't feel like this anymore

fortress

2011-02-20T13:20:00.000-08:00

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i'm building a fortress, and it's under my covers.

i don't know what to do, so i'll stay here forever.

never release me.

loving guilt

2011-02-17T18:13:00.000-08:00

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the hardest thing about falling for someone who is perfect is the constant weight of knowledge that you don't deserve them. some days are better than others; some days you're elated and some days you're in a river of guilt that erodes away all good feelings. guilt over weighs all things to a point where imagining is countered by a thought of, "why even bother?" all i could ever want for him is to be happy, and i can't honestly say that i could make him happy. he deserves everything beautiful. i am an ugly person, i don't even care to live with myself sometimes. sometimes i wonder if he'll find anyone worthy one day, and i wonder if i'll find anyone i'm worthy of. sometimes i don't find any comfort at all.

alas, if i were to dismiss any hope, uncontrollable pining would set a perpetual burning fire into my life. every day would not be simply one day, but rather an eternity without any bliss. misery cannot describe anything anymore. selfishness is more than an emotion, but a battle that must be fought everyday. a battle in which i'm not sure who's side i am on. do i choose self contentment or my love's happiness? again, i am torn. i'll admire from a distance, i suppose. i'll admire his happiness in place of mine. i'll be here, always.

skimming skin

2011-02-14T14:59:00.000-08:00

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maybe there's just something wrong with my head, like a bug eating all my common sense.

i'm building castles in the air

2011-02-12T19:03:00.000-08:00

someone please tell me what to do with this love in my heart

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l'amour

2011-02-11T14:48:00.000-08:00

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I'm in love so deeply and I have no idea what to do.

quickie

2011-02-08T22:08:00.000-08:00

three things:

1)coffee is amazing

2)letting go brings them in

3) the internet has taken over my life

I think I'm in one of those blogging ruts again where I can't find much to pull out and show to all of you. I feel like you know me already. Maybe I could do less of a feelings post tomorrow, and give you a life story. If you were interested at least.

What's up bu-ddy

-melissa <3

i wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile

2011-02-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

it's so depressing being a teenager. being one who can't drive is even worse.

i can't wait until i get up there

gold soul

2011-02-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

my heart is a flower blooming; beautiful and new ♥ ♥ ♥

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you are the one

2011-01-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

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no matter how much i imagine

dreams with us don't come true

solo

2011-01-22T14:58:00.001-08:00

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and even in the dark

your shadow isn't even with you

oh great love

2011-01-17T17:03:00.000-08:00

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If you were to love me the way I love you

The world might be a better place

I might smile the way I use to do

You might admire the way I stare at you

You might stroke my lips with adoration

I might kiss your cheek without hesitation

I might be happy, I might be elated

The world would be my oyster

And not my cage

But I cannot force you to love, or care

This would not be fair

You might hate me, I might be a fool

But I just really hate me too

I am distressed, oh how I am cursed

To live with the person I am, I have no choice

I want to be the person you want me to be

I want to be beautiful,

I want you to see me.

Oh, under these troubles do o sink lower, into mire

Love's weight do I sink under

How do I change for you! Oh how I hate who I am

I'm not efficient enough for thee

My face are freckled, just like skin that is battered and bruised

My voice is a crow

Put me in a noose! I want to die rather than living another day

Not being the person I want to be for you.

For you, id give my whole life

My whole life for you...

Love's suppression am I under

Forever

note: This is more of a role playing post. I don't feel this way, I put myself into more of a... Shakespearean type character. I thought it would be fun.

ocean blue

2011-01-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

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don't worry about me, i'll be fine. let me drink a bit, let me sigh. but i'll be fine in a day or two, this little voice says you'll be okay too. separate ways, separate paths. let's take them. i'll be me, and you'll be you. it's a sad matter, but know that i'll always love you. my hearts affections will never change, it's just the situation that is insane. but you'll be okay, don't worry about me. love is for eternity. hold on to hope, i'll hold too. maybe we'll dive into love again soon.

you've caught me

2011-01-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

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i was once a balloon. i was once high. i had love in my heart, and a spirit to keep me in the sky. but the archer's bow has caught me, and alas, i am falling. i have fallen. i am down.

We’re just ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go.

2011-01-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

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when you let yourself go, you're free. that's a bit obvious, but don't blame me for not knowing so beforehand. there are thoughts that have been instilled into people for thousands of years, and this thought of knowing that one can't believe everything they are told is the epiphany, if there ever was one. i still believe, but i'm not sure in what anymore.

God, I still love you.

just let me be

2011-01-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

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is it bad that all i want to be is left alone? is solitude too morbid to ask for? maybe i've faced reality already, and succumbing to it already. so let me eat alone, sleep alone, die alone in the hands of sweet green grass.

i want to be like frankenstein and drive nails into my head

2011-01-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

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oh pain, you've found me. you are a jilted lover i've longed to leave for the presence of love. you are so jealous, so spiteful. pain, you've overcome my heart as a blizzard overcomes the harvest field. how can one be so cold and bitter? where has the love in my heart gone, so be replaced with such hatred? pain, what do you have to say to justify yourself? that it's my fault?

stuff you're suppose to know

2011-01-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

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i know my life is a bit out of control, and i know i have to change things so it's better. but i'm so crushed in spirit, all i want to do is lay in bed. lay in bed and curl up and not say anything. i want to put my terrarium up in front of me and what the moss grow; i want to watch the water evaporate, condense, evaporate, condense, evaporate, condense, a never ending cycle... i hate waking up in the morning. i hate it. because i am myself. but who in the world would i ever say this to? really? i don't tell anyone this. i'm completely crazy, i don't know what to do with myself sometimes.

2010-12-29T14:46:00.000-08:00

i'm finally there, that stage in my teenage life where i hate the world. huzzah

jess mariano

2010-12-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

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the funniest scene ever

i'm over this

2010-12-27T19:59:00.000-08:00

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it's really great that

1) you don't read my blog

2) i don't make it completely obvious i'm talking about you

BUT it doesn't stop me from being paranoid. that's the fault of an online diary, right? yeah, well, that sucks. someone told me if you have a problem with it, then deal. so screw you, i'll write whatever i want. ♥ i'm cute, huh? just like your perfect girlfriend.

p.s. i'm over you, i just think you're gorgeous.

i can't finish this, and i'm not sure if i want to

2010-12-26T23:40:00.000-08:00

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my hands have reached for you

but i was too late in claiming your heart

but you weren't

in captivating mine

how long do i keep silent

in the cage, where my feelings are

I ended this poem, it's incomplete. I couldn't find the words, and I'm not sure if I really want to. But I'm leaving it up, because I liked how it started, but not how it ended (just as the relationship, funny huh?) Alas, feelings are feelings, and someone just told me mine weren't true. Well damn it, I have feelings too. This isn't some cliche where there's only one good side to a story and the other evil. I have feelings, too. And being able to let someone go is harder than you think. Damn it, it is. And the fact that I'm trying to make him happy for his benefit, and never my own is literally all I do; all I do now is self sacrifice. There's more to me than that cliche. There's more. So don't you dare try and undermine my feelings, they're more precious than you could ever know.

not everyone's going to like you

2010-12-26T19:52:00.000-08:00

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not everyone can like you, not even your mom

(so i'm going to stop talking to you, because i know you don't ever want to talk to me. let's all just ignore each other like a happy family)

it's a very nice name

2010-12-26T17:17:00.000-08:00

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for a very odd person.

sugar plums

2010-12-26T13:33:00.000-08:00

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yes. they are. (not that i would know)

christmas is for You

2010-12-25T12:08:00.000-08:00

merry christmas my loves! the time for jesus, candy canes, and pine trees right? i'm excited because i got what i wanted -- my first sewing machine! ever since i was a wee lassie, i've always wanted to make things; scissors were my best friend. now that i've got my beautiful machine (named rebecca) i'm sure i'm only going to be sewing for many years to come.

have a wonderful christmas! xoxo

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dennis and teddy

2010-12-24T22:31:00.001-08:00

♥ lolol what dolls

2010-12-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

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so high

in the air

where i don't care

light as a feather

never put me down

never let me down

that stage in thinking

2010-12-23T22:46:00.000-08:00

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i'm at that stage in thinking that i'm 37% over you
and i might be okay
but i don't know, it depends on if you keep making out with her in front of me
:p

galaxy dress by christopher kane

2010-12-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

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i want you. in my closet. now.

(thank you tavi for the inspiration)

i'm not sad, i'm deeply pondering with a frown

2010-12-22T22:30:00.000-08:00

i've been waiting

for this dream to come true

i've been staring at this painting

for a long time

the harder the dream, the harder i stare

the more i want to be there

with you, in there

the mystic garden painted by frantic strokes

with happy tears that choke

but it's been years, and i'm not getting closer

faith dwindles,

my dream is not kindled

with your love

so i'll pack this portrait away

and i'll wake up from this dream

i'll drive away

and i'll never dream

of you again

2010-12-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

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okay, this is what you're going to do. you're not going to think about *him* for the first time this week, and every time that you do (because he somehow sneaks into every other thought) you're going to scream. That's right, scream. Maybe this will teach you a lesson in falling for someone that never could happen.

Awesome

Winter break and candy canes

2010-12-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

Today is the first Official day of winter break! I'm so excited because I get to sleep in, watch movies, be with friends, play sims ! You will not believe how much i love doing these things, especially sims.

I really hope my friend robin comes home soon, that's what I'm excited for the most because I want to pick his brain on what college is like and if the men are really as cool as the movies lead on. And i want to ask about those togas, too. Ahhhhhhhh I'm excited! Robin is the coolest.

Christmas is hopefully going to be relaxing, ever since I started high school (I'm a junior now) I've just loved sleeping in on Christmas. Although, I still hope a bit more for a new iPod touch more... Those things are cool! (or whatever Shawn says... "evil" is relative, right?)

I hope the rest of your year is nifty!

Scores, and I'm losing

2010-12-19T17:39:00.000-08:00

Count that the fifteenth lie and sixth breakdown this week. I'm thinking about making a scorebook.

Can I stop soon, please?

part one

2010-12-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

badass (with facial hair)

2010-12-18T15:14:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when I'm serious, no one wants to believe me? People only want to see what they want to, and I guess all the world's a stage. If I were to act he way I feel..

I know that's not a complete sentence, but I don't really have a complete thought.

unimportant post

2010-12-18T14:50:00.000-08:00

if there were onamonapias to describe my life, they would be

blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop // splatt // gurgle gurgle // ssssssssshpshhh // blehp // slurp

2010-12-17T23:51:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I'd rather be intense and quiet rather than being this constant lighthouse of joy and saccharine smiles that everyone sees me as. To be honest, I don't think I've had a real smile in a long time.

I just don't want to be the person I am anymore, I don't know. I can't honestly say that I like myself everyday, and I don't know how to change it. I'm not something to be proud of, I'm disappointed in my own character; people see me as something better than I actully am. I wish I could see Melissa through someone else's eyes, and not my own.

I wish I could understand this. I wish someone could understand me.

2010-12-15T17:38:00.000-08:00

you know when you stare at someone and they turn their head really quickly to see if you're staring, but then you turn your head really fast so it doesn't look like you're eyeing them?

i've creepin' all week long.

FTS

2010-12-14T19:56:00.001-08:00

FTS, BRING IT ON

2010-12-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

you know what?

i might not do this anymore.

tainted

2010-12-13T21:02:00.001-08:00

you've tainted red heads for me, forever.

i don't know how i'm going to live now.

get fat, die alone

2010-12-12T22:13:00.000-08:00

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sometimesssssss I can't help but keep lying and keeping secrets. and i think it's awkward when people call you out on it, and you know in your heart it's 100% true, but you mouth blurts out another lie. lies -- why does one say them? to protect them from heartbreak.

i don't want to lie anymore! i just want to be honest.

but my honesty will make some awkward situations, wouldn't it?

but, what else am I known for?

If I thought you would forget me, I'd never leave.

2010-12-10T20:53:00.000-08:00

1. What is your favorite item of clothing? I really love leggings, if that counts. It's an item I ALWAYS WEAR. /
2. What are your biggest obsessions? The Office, cookies, and bettering myself (although I'm failing) /
3. Who inspires you? Right now...bloggers. Definitely. They're all so...beautiful with words. /
4. Who is your favorite designer and why? Proenza Schouler...so dark, the opposite of me really. /
5. What is your favorite song ever? Ah, I wish I could choose! /
6. What is your favourite song right now? I don't actually have one! But right now I love "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman /
7. If you were a sweetie, what would you be? Cherry pie <3 /
8. What's your favourite film? Beauty and the Beast /
9. Who's your favourite actor? Kathy Bates is amazing! But again, I can't choose just one. /
10. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? Scotland counting sheep. /
11. What are your 3 favourite smells? Love Spell by Victoria Secret, fresh sheets, fresh and cold air. /

12. What are your 3 favourite tastes? Cold ice water, grape juice, lemonade. /
13. What is your most treasured possession? My Bible. /
14. What did you always want to do/be when you grew up? I always imagined being a teacher would be fantastic, I still aspire to be one. /

15. If you were an ice-cream, what flavour would you be? Cherry. /
16. If someone made a short film about your life, who would play you? I've never actually thought about this! I suppose Keke Palmer. /
17. What would your perfect afternoon consist of? someone taking me to the beach, laying in the warm sand, talking to whomever, going shopping, then a small dinner. /
18. If you were a flower, what would you be? an orchid /
19. Tell me a random thing - a quote, a line from a song, book, movie...

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."”

20. Which is your favorite tea flavour? Rose :) /
21. Which is your favorite word? cellar door /

22. If you had a nickname what would it be? Winnie :) /

tags: EVERYONE! comment back so I can see your beautiful answers.

Gattaca

2010-12-06T20:33:00.001-08:00

"There Is No Gene for the Human Spirit."

cellar door

2010-12-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

"This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that "cellar door" is the most beautiful."~Karen Pomeroy

my new dream land

2010-12-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

Gannets over Boreray - St Kilda

when you're a child, you aspire for o many silly things. but there are those things that never leave your mind...those places you dream to be. and i think i found my heart in scotland.

persuasion into their strong comfort

2010-11-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

Is it completely ridiculous the way I write to no one particular? I'm personifying feelings, aggressively pointing and blaming them for the result of my negativity. i want to bash them, make them cry. I'm not in a pit pit of despair, more in a trench of anger.

edit: earlier my friend hit the nail right one the head; i'm so sick of being the positive light to everyone's world. i'm not saying i do not enjoy positivity and light, but dependency on me to make your sun rise is sort of something i'm scared of; i am not atlas and you are not my world. i'm glad a small majority of you i know in real life; otherwise i'd feel guilty for sharing something so blunt. so, i might shed a few tears later and keep going. towards what? i'm not sure yet. a part of me feels guilty for not being a ray of sunshine, because of course there are people suffering more than me and God is on my side to help me through any troubles i have. i feel the heft of guilt, i really do. but when i get down to an organic state of just thinking in silence, i feel....not nothing, but realization. realization that my friends are those who i adore being with, but they are not really there to help lift me up into great spirits. and i know that if i were gloom, no one would be able to hold my hand firmly, persuading strong comfort in their friendship. a certain friend has let me down lately, so it gives validity to this thought. i just don't know, i find happiness in tears, is this so wrong?

maryland lighthouses

2010-11-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

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honeymoon by the sea

at the top where the light shines on the sea

seahorses and lobster creepy-crawleys

all i want is to fall in

-to your arms

in bed at night, every day like a honeymoon with you

wake up to the briny mist

gray skies, bringing in the briny storm

i want it to rain on our leaky roof

so when it gets cold

you can hold me tight

and we can stare over our glistening sea

from the maryland lighthouse

just you and me

silk hems in cotton fields

2010-11-29T17:45:00.000-08:00

field of cotton, swirling dresses made of polished silk

falling down into arms of solid comfort

i do this well
i am with you, forever

dear love

2010-11-28T00:04:00.000-08:00

http://thehiddenpeople.com/category/fashion/

Are we here again? are we really here again? In this Nile of regretful tears, one would think we built a bridge and got over it; this wound, I thought you had put salt in it and let it heal bitterly. But now one can see those teeth in your smile are razor sharp, and they cut through my flesh every time your lips touch my neck. Your blue eyes are the beginning of a typhoon that drown me in the deepest woes. Maybe this is it, maybe this is time I should be all over you, not with love but possibly with a knife, so I can stab the back that did love so.

But maybe vengeance isn't mine,

I'd take it too far. ♥

brain dead

2010-11-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

I really wish I could say more than, "hi", but that just seems to be the case. Why am I so cold-hearted lately? I'm so uninspired and I feel like this doesn't even matter anymore. And it's not that I lack support for this blog, it's that I lack support in myself; in other words, WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION? And also, why can't I find inspiration? It's like the second I write something is the time when it needs to be shredded up. Nothing's good, not in my mind anyway. This is so frustrating, remember when imagination was the source of my happiness? I think my AP classes killed that. "Use rhetorical strategies...that doesn't sound concise enough....where are you getting this information, this proof? One knows this could never happen....be real." I want to stab myself so I could go somewhere a lot of people don't think is real, a place with golden roads and singing angels. What do you say to that, logic?

Rambleramblramble, I'm just letting off steam now. I might be offending those who believe faith is logical, and I'm sorry. I'm just aggravated. <3

I'll see what I can come up with this week to write about.

-melissa

p.s. leave a suggestion, maybe?

Bella Luna

2010-11-13T20:29:00.000-08:00

bella luna -venus hum

I am falling in love as of right now. With what? Dancing.

Why haven't I done this before? ♥

Pirouettes and Cotton Fields

2010-11-04T19:47:00.000-07:00

Savannah, Georgia (Unites States)

Je suis desolee, mes cheries! J'ai beaucoup devoirs et mes notes des classes n'est pas bonne....comment je suis aller le unviversite aujourd'hui?

I've been so busy with so much, I barely have time to think. I mean, just time to relect about life and why I talk, walk, and do the things I do. I just want to sit in a room with silence for one whole day, alone. Is that too much to ask?

Some updates in my life? Oh goodness. Well, I've enterened my 3rd month of school, my 1st quarter just ended. I'm taking French III and Dance I as my electives, which are tres fantistique! My accent is a lot better, and dancing is a ball! Ballet is easily my favorite, modern being the hardest. Oh gosh, I could get used to this dancing thing, are there any openings for professional ballerinas?

French III is enjoyable, although difficult if you are not on top of it. I love speaking it now, because I am more or less fluent in coming up with sentences, but I am sure I am not grammically correct most of the time! But those Parisians talk to fast, how can they even tell. ;)

I am still single, of course. But I've realized something that might be a bit depressing, but I find comfort in anyway; if someone choses someone over me, then why even think about them anymore? Is it even worth it? Just move on, because they didn't want to be with me anyway. Is that totally pessimistic?

Oh well, I'll chat to cool cats later, salut!

Munro Chambers

2010-10-18T21:04:00.001-07:00

yes, can I please just...have you? :D

LGG

2010-10-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

Raw, raw ra-ah ah ah. I'm Lady Gaga.

A Bit of Me

2010-10-11T21:16:00.000-07:00

Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Melissa. I like plums, orange juice, and mangoes. I enjoy study sessions with friends sans studying and history lessons. I have eyes that take up a large portion of my face, and a smile that takes up the rest. I love Beauty and the Beast because it's the most beautiful of all the Disney stories, but I also love Pretty in Pink; Andy is who got me into clothes. (And red heads) I'm not adorable, I just am. I'm not perfect, I just am. I am a person, a person trying to improve. Love me. ♥

2010-10-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

isn't it so funny how old things get, and how fast they get there?

it's sort of disappointing in a way how infatuated one can become, and then move on quickly. It's actually quite embarrassing, if I would be allowed to say.

For me, it just shows my lack of commitment.

What is the bright side to this?

p.s.

I'm asking if you guys wanted to know more about me? I feel that I've been cryptic towards you, all you know is that I live down the road from the Puget Sound. What do you think?

2010-09-27T21:28:00.001-07:00

Chain Earring

2010-09-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

I want a new piercing, a chain hanging from my ear

I want each link to mean each year I've loved you

That chiming is I all want to hear.

I want it to mean something for You...

And now I'm up to four,

Four gold links hanging off my ear, matching the color of my copper hair

and I swing them around showing everyone near

that pride I have in hanging on my ear

for You

God, that bright blue sky, that Son that rises every day

It shines on that earring

Glimmering and bringing hope every day

Let me pierce that ear

for that chain to hang

all day. ♥

2010-09-24T22:57:00.001-07:00

yes, yes, yes.

don't worry Leo, you'll be on my wall soon. ♥
anyway...

there hasn't been much this week except for getting over one of those new crushes--

then being crushed by him. But it's okay, because I'm used to it.

Actually, I'm pretty over it because I don't want a boy anyway. Guys are stupid.

Now a photo of a handsome man is a different story... ;)

Mmm

2010-09-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

Lemons and Levi Jeans

2010-09-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

One lemon makes much lemonade,

a handful to be squeezed

Amazing the simplicity of life...

amazing the joy in simplicity.

Lemon, my lemon

sour on my lips,

but sweet in my heart

like an awkward first kiss

Oh lemons! You make my life

a confusing pattern

but that's what keeps life exciting.

So pour out!

Pour out plenteous!

Because I know,

I would miss you otherwise.

Dear Dennis,

2010-09-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

oh the love I have for you in my heart!

Can I contain it any longer?

I must say, that I am not in love with you,

so please do not get confused.

It's the envy of your coolness that I must confess,

I somehow love also!

Teach me the ways of your awesomeness,

and maybe, just maybe...

I'll make you a batch of cookies.

♥ your bff,

melissa

You're Just Too Cute

2010-09-19T18:28:00.001-07:00

talk about a mood swing.

Brick Art

2010-09-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

look @ what I made you,

blahblahblah

yousuckyousuckyousuck

kthxbai.

-melissa

I've Adjusted Well Enough

2010-09-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

I think that I've been pretty fair for a girl from Florida to move here and adjust to Washington drab for 10 years.

But God, I can't deny the fact that I want to go home.

I'll Be Better Tomorrow, I Promise

2010-09-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

don't worry, I'll post something exciting tomorrow. ♥

I just need to think things over, make a rough draft of my life this week.

---

I'll be a better Melissa tomorrow. I promise.

I swear to You my smiles will be true,

and my thoughts will be of You

because let's face it,

they already are.

But I want more of myself,

the selfless person I know I can be,

and now will choose to be

for You.

I'll be a better Melissa tomorrow, I promise.

Prayer for the Unbearable

2010-09-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
please make me unbearable towards boys, because if I were in any way tolerable, I would not be able to have self-restraint when another amazing one comes around.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Where has the plum tree gone?

2010-08-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been away,
but to be honest...I've been feeling terribly uninspired to create photos or phrases or even to read blogs. It's as if I'm forcing myself to do something that I used to. And I would hate for that to become a habit. It's like a feeling of watching your favorite movie every day for a week. I never want to become tired of this. Photography, art, blogging, writing...I never want to lose passion for it. I'd cry deep seas, salty as brine.
So, I'll wait until inspiration hits me again. I think God wants me to concentrate on him right now, and not on myself. So later....better. I love you all.

-♥, melissa

ps maybe a photo will suffice; it's of me and the lovely Katie Rogers;)

August Is Gone.

2010-08-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

beautiful skies, white hot sun, warm summer air.

august is to be gone soon.

oh, how I will miss it.

Frozen Heart, Frozen Petals

2010-08-07T16:07:00.000-07:00

winter air, I'm dying inside. I'm frozen, because I've let myself walk out into the world

with a frozen heart

affection is not present. selfishness is the ruiner of my soul, vanity is the ruiner of my soul, I am the ruiner of my soul

but I search in something that is bigger than myself. I read and find that to be with joy...

you must unfreeze your heart.

Care for God, the all warming heart. You will be melted, new, and free.

Eclare!

2010-08-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

yes. I love, I pine, I am only watching Degrassi for Eclare.

Ah, I need to find someone like this. D:

source

Simply Karen

2010-08-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

that is me! can you believe it? my friend Karen drew this of me and I greatly appreciate the gesture! ;)

I can't wait until we have a little mini-photoshoot so I can return the favor. ;3

:D check out her dA @ simply Karen.

-<3 melissa

[Insert ♥ Here]

2010-08-04T01:45:00.000-07:00

[insert tears and wind here]

[insert teenage angst]

[insert teenage dreams]

[insert teenage pine for love]

[insert cliche life]

[insert my life]

Love Me For Me

2010-08-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

Why, oh why did I waste my time

With love that was not filled

with love at all?

I'm not for you, you're not for me

But I guess back then, I didn't see

That you never really loved me,

So by and by,

time passes

and I guess what I'm trying to convey

Is that you have trespassed into my heart

but now that I've realized your lack of love

am now asking you to leave.

Forever.

Good bye.

Warm Beach Camp 2010

2010-07-31T13:49:00.000-07:00

"Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness.
Opened my eyes, let me see.
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
All together worthy,
All together wonderful to me..."

Beautiful days at camp, I wish I could go back.

Tears fill the cup that show the despair that I had,

and poured out,

gone forever.

Now, a new day He has created for me

New.

I am new.

Hearts and Tye Dye

2010-07-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

My youth group for church is filled with some awesome people. The youth pastor is incredible, guess what we did for camp? (Let me give you a hint: it's yellow, pink, and awesome all over.)

I can't wait for camp, it's the best part of my year. We're separated from the world and put in touch with the most important person in someone's life: Jesus Christ.
God, I love You so much.
But, this means I'll be gone for a week. But that's okay, I'll post lotso' pictures. ;)
---
speak to me, oh God
your voice has never been more needed
a cool relaxed breeze
on my dry dessert heart
lifeless
wash over me,
dip me into the blood
that you have given
and let me not possess
an Achilles heel
because I would feel
a failure to you.
I love you.
Because you first loved me. ♥

Floral Dress 2010

2010-07-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up with reason not to feel too hot, if you know what I mean. But depite that, I felt as if today were the day to dress up, because I haven't had a good vintage day in a good long time.
I found a floral sheet in the closet and a perfect place in my room for a little photo-op. ;) Isn't God good for the little miracles he gives?
I love this. For a few more photos visit my new flickr, it's called rapid_shoes.
Love you all. ♥

-melissa

Beauty and the Beast

2010-07-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you that my favorite movie in the world is Beauty and the Beast, and I am particularly partial to the Disney version. The first scene--the prologue-- captured my heart when I beheld it at a tender age of 4. It lays true in my heart! ♥But I must tell you, this classic version has found a way to sprinkle fairy dust and love over my heart as well. La Belle et La Bete is a film directed by Jean Cocteau and spins twirls of beauty in black and white. It's actually very similar to a book that I have read named Beauty by Robin McKinley, in which Belle's father goes into the Beast's castle and is eventually threatened death for taking one of the Beast's beloved roses.I really recommend seeing this film, it is beautiful, a bit dark, yet amazing. To be honest, I have not finished it yet! But I can tell this is going to be love. ♥

Something to Keep Me Busy

2010-07-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

I am... an amateur at life. But a lover, also.
I know...how to make my friends smile.
I love it when...this special someone smiles.
I am known for...having a ton of personality.
The nickname I'm embarrassed of is... little girl.
People think I am a little... period. I am small.
I wish I never... met him.
My friends wish... we could hang out more?
My favorite place to shop is...the Value Village in Kirland.
My favorite place to hang out is... at school with all my friends.
My favorite band is... Progress in Color.
Last time I got in trouble... was when I was in over my head.
My family... is beautiful.
If you met my Uncle... you would say we all look alike.
I get embarassed when... someone points out my past mistakes.
I want to get married... to an amazing, beautiful, special, romantic, smart, and crrrazy man.
My favorite food is... either Chinese, Mexican, or soul food.
I would like to have.... a little more confidence!
I don't mind sharing... advice from me to you.
If I won the lottery I would...donate a good portion, and give a good portion to my family.
I think Obama is ... trying to fix this sh*t!
I love it when people...hug me.
I've learned that... people will dislike you for silly reasons.
People love me because...I don't sound arrogant like this! Ha!
I would kill someone if... (I don't know if I would!)
I think God...is the most amazing person in my life.
I wish I would have never...let him go.
When I am mad...I yell.
When I am sad...I wallow in self pity.
I think I am good looking because...I don't wear so much makeup. Natural beauty.
My best friend... is lovely.
When I die...I am going to Heaven. :)
What I love most is...my God.
My life is...not perfect, but trying to be a better person is heading it that way.
I think the world would be a better place if... people were not selfish.
If I could change... the world.
I gag when I think of... blue waffle.
I need a... boyfriend! Hahaha.
My favorite tv show is...Gilmore Girls/Degrassi (as of now!)
My favorite Movie is...Beauty and the Beast.
I dont deserve...God's mercy.
I wish I could make money...piutting together outfits for people to wear.
My job... is to love.
School is... where I perform my job.
I think the goverment should... never let me in office.
If more people thought like me the world would... be out of its mind.
The best year of my life...2010!
I miss... Matt.
I think the war... is a dreadful thing.
If I could live anywhere... I would live in a cottage in the woods making tea.
My favorite car is... a modest one.
I think drugs are...not a way to escape reality.

Lemonade Day

2010-07-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

There's nothing really to do today,

so bottoms up. Chug that lemonade. ♥

Fill In The Blank

2010-07-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

I would ask why there are spaces in between our fingers,

holes in our hearts,

sunken, lowly feelings,

when we are apart.

I would ask how you are doing,

and know you'd do the same,

I know we'd lie to each other.

I know we'd play a silly game.

I would ask if you had to leave,

and know you would say no,

not out of arrogance,

but out of knowledge that

the place you've were always wanting to go

was with me.

You have me.

Bow Over My Heart

2010-07-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

It seems as if the only photo that I'm confortable taking is when I'm not in it.

Explain?

Greenery Close By Me

2010-07-16T00:59:00.000-07:00

When we held hands,

stared into each other's eyes

not gaze down the path of the future

because looking forward would put us in the past

No retrospect, please. Mmm.

You're more beautiful than the stroll we took together,

ruby lips and mossy Earth

In all honesty, I can't remember

much else, it's all a blur

because

all I can think, sing, shout is your name

to the sky, like a wish

to come back to me (to come back to me)

oh, where did you go? Your heart is

cold, not in my hands anymore

Not on your sleeve either, the stitching has gone away,

to a colder place.

Alaska, where the sun rolls over the mountains,

the lush greenery buried underneath

the distantness. Please come back

to the Northwest.

And hold my hands,

let the waves crash,

in the summer.

Please rush to me, come back to me.

Love me again.

Je suis l'eau de l'ocean.

2010-07-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

I feel as if this week has changed my outview on life. I'm sweeter and more forgiving, and it's hard to believe I'm smiling more.

One can only describe it as if...they were water. The water they have transformed into is deeper than the ocean, bluer than the eyes of a loved one. Colder, yet revitalizing to the touch. New.

Je suis l'eau de l'ocean.