entries

29.5.10

O, swear not by the moon...

Why is it that the beautiful moon is ever so tampered with,

and so are my affections around you?

Jealousy, belligerance, and vainity are your virtues in which I see,

although I loved your flaws anyhow. I loved them, or perhaps ignred them.

You are not an individual, you are a grouping of everyone I feel this towards, and just as an angry dog I am motivated to bite and yelp and plot revenge towards you.

But, I know, revenge is not mine. Revenge is His. And, once I find that someone that makes me feel whole, this will be unimportant to me. To me, you'll be a memory.

Drum beat. Bump bump bump.

Cool and steady I am, I walk away. Bump bump bump.

27.5.10

Linger

You know that I am the biggest fool to ever let myself get inticed by your presence. But luckily, you're leaving forever and that face won't taunt me anymore.



21.5.10

Patter is thy name


In all these years, in all this rain, I wish I would have collected it in a tin to swim in. The tears that I have shed in happiness would have been the exhilerating motivation that would have provoked me to exercise in the modern world. But alas, the rain is gone, forgotten, just proved again by the rain shed today. Today. Blue water from the sky, ink splattered on the papyrus, footsteps slapped on the concrete, conversations discussed but later kept secret between two girls. "Who are you?" I am me at this moment, but who will I be ten years from now? Ten days? Ten minutes? I do not ponder this, I just stay in the path already walked, not out of fear, but out of Love.

The existence of my heart, body, and mind must coexist equally for my belligerent aggression to leave and not progress. Is this redundancy, or is it just this bad? The pattering of the rain calms me, and I know that it is not ironic.

Patter goes the rain, just like a name repeating itself over and over. Maybe I will, too.

20.5.10

A High School Revelation

I love my friends, they're pretty much the best things to come out of high school. I hope one day, I can look back and recall everyone in my class. The people I choose to be friends with are intelligent and creative, hilarious and bold. Where else will you find people like this? It seems as if I can't trust anyone in this 'Hollywood world' It's a disappointment really, but when you find honest and mondest people who care for your well being, I have hope that my life will get better through them, too.

19.5.10

14.5.10

Comfort Zone

I've been gone awhile, going off and trying to get through another year in Washington State, high school, life.

The sun rays have hit upon me and I'm glad to be smiling! But at the same time, I know I'm stuck in time, nothing is going on to make it more interesting. And I know it's not God's fault, it's my fault. When has life ever been exciting in a comfort zone?

I've recently fallen in this trance like love that every teenage girl has in which this boy is the center of my attention, which is weird to say because I bounce around the room like a rubber band. But, isn't it weird that this adoration is not jealous, but just joyous for this person? I've never felt this way, maybe it is a genuine love for him, not to say I'm in love with him, but that I love this person truly and I would love to see them happy. I love this feeling, and I wish he knew this too.

I've been contemplating this for awhile, and the fact that I will never see him again breaks my heart. Should it break my heart? Maybe I should leave my comfort zone.

4.5.10

3.5.10

I am drowning.

I'm drowning in this sand pile, I'm sinking into this mire. I scream out for God, does He hear me?


Well of course he does, because at the second I give up on myself, I feel my hand lifted up and my soul lighter than air. He hasn't given up, so why should I?