ha talk about mindfucked

hey what about this
i delete everything that has to do with other people, live under a rock, and die there
sounds legit to me


boring me

guys, i am so boring. soooo booooring. even normal teenage stuff is foreign to me. my life is so stuck! why can't I just get some excitement?

my friend lent me this book, yada yada yada. save your perverted comments because i've heard them all before. :p i leave him cute notes in the shape of hearts for him to find when i give them back, signing my name in swirly letters ending in "♥ , melissa". i don't think my feelings are reciprocated. but that's fine, admitting a problem is the first step to solving it. i'm saying it loud and proud.

now if i could tell it to his face, things would be easier kthx


bubble bathing

oh gosh, let me see here

i wish i could post pretty words again. but i can't pull any love out of my heart. and now i realized that God needs to be in my life again, because being without him has been hell on earth

i also wish that i could just not have any feelings towards anyone, but hormones rage forever

i'd also like to say that i am proud that i did smile earnestly this week. i had a whole day where i did not want to sleep all day. so maybe things are getting a bit better. but i still have to see someone.

but right now, i just want to have a longggggg bubble bath. but i have no bubbles. crying forever.

many affections <3


i'm not sure

i'm scared that i will never amount to anything other than a woman that has nothing in her life to look forward to, barely clinging to a job at wal-mart running the express lane living a routine that has no definite happiness. what if my dreams don't come true, or i don't realize them until it's too late? i have motivation, it's just not put towards anything.... and i don't know what to do. everyone's high school career is amazing, and i'm in a rut that i've been in for months upon months upon months. i'm not hopeless, maybe confused and helpless are better adjectives.

sometimes i think that i need to chill out and relax, but how can i knowing that i'm falling farther and farther behind? i have nothing that sets me apart from anyone, i am nothing. just another fish in the sea, just another piece of dust in the air, just another girl in the human race amounting to nothing, wasting away... i hate that about myself. i hate that i just can't go out there and do anything amazing. and i ask myself why all the time, and sometimes i come up with answers and sometimes i don't. today is an answer day.

i'm not smart enough
i'm not strong enough
i don't have the same goals as others
i barely have confidence in myself

it seems a little stupid for me to complain about how i want to change a million things about myself and not doing anything about it. but i've tried, i've tried so hard... and i burned myself out doing it. i don't think anyone will ever know how much i let myself lower to a level of evil that i would have never expected myself to ever be in in a million years. people tell me to relax, but i'm still in a rut that i seem helpless to get out of.

if i try too hard, my soul dies
if i try too little, my future dies

what is the right amount for a content heart and soul?

maybe i've been running this race too long without the right Help.

God help me



u.s.s maine

 (unknown) (credit) 

there are a million different things going on right now
and it's a pain knowing this
and not caring
i might be becoming a misanthrope