entries

29.12.10

i'm finally there, that stage in my teenage life where i hate the world. huzzah

28.12.10

jess mariano

the funniest scene ever

27.12.10

i'm over this

it's really great that
1) you don't read my blog
2) i don't make it completely obvious i'm talking about you

BUT it doesn't stop me from being paranoid. that's the fault of an online diary, right? yeah, well, that sucks. someone told me if you have a problem with it, then deal. so screw you, i'll write whatever i want. ♥ i'm cute, huh? just like your perfect girlfriend.

p.s. i'm over you, i just think you're gorgeous.

26.12.10

i can't finish this, and i'm not sure if i want to

my hands have reached for you
but i was too late in claiming your heart
but you weren't
in captivating mine
how long do i keep silent
in the cage, where my feelings are

I ended this poem, it's incomplete. I couldn't find the words, and I'm not sure if I really want to. But I'm leaving it up, because I liked how it started, but not how it ended (just as the relationship, funny huh?) Alas, feelings are feelings, and someone just told me mine weren't true. Well damn it, I have feelings too. This isn't some cliche where there's only one good side to a story and the other evil. I have feelings, too. And being able to let someone go is harder than you think. Damn it, it is. And the fact that I'm trying to make him happy for his benefit, and never my own is literally all I do; all I do now is self sacrifice. There's more to me than that cliche. There's more. So don't you dare try and undermine my feelings, they're more precious than you could ever know.

not everyone's going to like you


not everyone can like you, not even your mom
(so i'm going to stop talking to you, because i know you don't ever want to talk to me. let's all just ignore each other like a happy family)

it's a very nice name


for a very odd person.

sugar plums


yes. they are. (not that i would know)

25.12.10

christmas is for You

merry christmas my loves! the time for jesus, candy canes, and pine trees right? i'm excited because i got what i wanted -- my first sewing machine! ever since i was a wee lassie, i've always wanted to make things; scissors were my best friend. now that i've got my beautiful machine (named rebecca) i'm sure i'm only going to be sewing for many years to come.
have a wonderful christmas! xoxo

24.12.10

dennis and teddy

lolol what dolls

so high
in the air
where i don't care
light as a feather
never put me down
never let me down


23.12.10

that stage in thinking

i'm at that stage in thinking that i'm 37% over you
and i might be okay
but i don't know, it depends on if you keep making out with her in front of me
:p

galaxy dress by christopher kane

i want you. in my closet. now.
(thank you tavi for the inspiration)

22.12.10

i'm not sad, i'm deeply pondering with a frown

i've been waiting
for this dream to come true
i've been staring at this painting
for a long time
the harder the dream, the harder i stare
the more i want to be there
with you, in there
the mystic garden painted by frantic strokes
with happy tears that choke 
me
but it's been years, and i'm not getting closer
faith dwindles,
my dream is not kindled
with your love
so i'll pack this portrait away
and i'll wake up from this dream
i'll drive away
and i'll never dream
of you again
okay, this is what you're going to do. you're not going to think about *him* for the first time this week, and every time that you do (because he somehow sneaks into every other thought) you're going to scream. That's right, scream. Maybe this will teach you a lesson in falling for someone that never could happen.

Awesome

20.12.10

Winter break and candy canes

Today is the first Official day of winter break! I'm so excited because I get to sleep in, watch movies, be with friends, play sims ! You will not believe how much i love doing these things, especially sims.

I really hope my friend robin comes home soon, that's what I'm excited for the most because I want to pick his brain on what college is like and if the men are really as cool as the movies lead on. And i want to ask about those togas, too. Ahhhhhhhh I'm excited! Robin is the coolest.

Christmas is hopefully going to be relaxing, ever since I started high school (I'm a junior now) I've just loved sleeping in on Christmas. Although, I still hope a bit more for a new iPod touch more... Those things are cool! (or whatever Shawn says... "evil" is relative, right?)

I hope the rest of your year is nifty!

19.12.10

Scores, and I'm losing

Count that the fifteenth lie and sixth breakdown this week. I'm thinking about making a scorebook.

Can I stop soon, please?

18.12.10

part one

badass (with facial hair)
Why is it that when I'm serious, no one wants to believe me? People only want to see what they want to, and I guess all the world's a stage. If I were to act he way I feel..

I know that's not a complete sentence, but I don't really have a complete thought.

unimportant post



if there were onamonapias to describe my life, they would be

blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop // splatt // gurgle gurgle // ssssssssshpshhh // blehp // slurp

17.12.10

Sometimes I'd rather be intense and quiet rather than being this constant lighthouse of joy and saccharine smiles that everyone sees me as. To be honest, I don't think I've had a real smile in a long time.

I just don't want to be the person I am anymore, I don't know. I can't honestly say that I like myself everyday, and I don't know how to change it. I'm not something to be proud of, I'm disappointed in my own character; people see me as something better than I actully am. I wish I could see Melissa through someone else's eyes, and not my own.

I wish I could understand this. I wish someone could understand me.

15.12.10

you know when you stare at someone and they turn their head really quickly to see if you're staring, but then you turn your head really fast so it doesn't look like you're eyeing them?

i've creepin' all week long.

14.12.10

FTS

FTS, BRING IT ON
you know what?

i might not do this anymore.

13.12.10

tainted

you've tainted red heads for me, forever.

i don't know how i'm going to live now.

12.12.10

get fat, die alone


sometimesssssss I can't help but keep lying and keeping secrets. and i think it's awkward when people call you out on it, and you know in your heart it's 100% true, but you mouth blurts out another lie. lies -- why does one say them? to protect them from heartbreak.

i don't want to lie anymore! i just want to be honest.

but my honesty will make some awkward situations, wouldn't it?

but, what else am I known for?

10.12.10

If I thought you would forget me, I'd never leave.



1. What is your favorite item of clothing? I really love leggings, if that counts. It's an item I ALWAYS WEAR. / 
2. What are your biggest obsessions? The Office, cookies, and bettering myself (although I'm failing) 
3. Who inspires you? Right now...bloggers. Definitely. They're all so...beautiful with words. /
4. Who is your favorite designer and why? Proenza Schouler...so dark, the opposite of me really. /
5. What is your favorite song ever? Ah, I wish I could choose! /
6. What is your favourite song right now? I don't actually have one! But right now I love "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman /
7. If you were a sweetie, what would you be? Cherry pie <3 /
8. What's your favourite film? Beauty and the Beast /
9. Who's your favourite actor? Kathy Bates is amazing! But again, I can't choose just one.  /
10. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? Scotland counting sheep. /
11. What are your 3 favourite smells? Love Spell by Victoria Secret, fresh sheets, fresh and cold air. /
12. What are your 3 favourite tastes? Cold ice water, grape juice, lemonade. /
13. What is your most treasured possession? My Bible. /
14. What did you always want to do/be when you grew up? I always imagined being a teacher would be fantastic, I still aspire to be one. /
15. If you were an ice-cream, what flavour would you be? Cherry. /
16. If someone made a short film about your life, who would play you? I've never actually thought about this! I suppose Keke Palmer. /
17. What would your perfect afternoon consist of? someone taking me to the beach, laying in the warm sand, talking to whomever, going shopping, then a small dinner. /
18. If you were a flower, what would you be? an orchid /
19. Tell me a random thing - a quote, a line from a song, book, movie...


“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"


"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."”

20. Which is your favorite tea flavour? Rose :) /
21. Which is your favorite word? cellar door /
22. If you had a nickname what would it be? Winnie :) /


tags: EVERYONE! comment back so I can see your beautiful answers. 

6.12.10

Gattaca



"There Is No Gene for the Human Spirit."

3.12.10

cellar door

"This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that "cellar door" is the most beautiful."~Karen Pomeroy

2.12.10

my new dream land

when you're a child, you aspire for o many silly things. but there are those things that never leave your mind...those places you dream to be. and i think i found my heart in scotland.