i'm not sure

i'm scared that i will never amount to anything other than a woman that has nothing in her life to look forward to, barely clinging to a job at wal-mart running the express lane living a routine that has no definite happiness. what if my dreams don't come true, or i don't realize them until it's too late? i have motivation, it's just not put towards anything.... and i don't know what to do. everyone's high school career is amazing, and i'm in a rut that i've been in for months upon months upon months. i'm not hopeless, maybe confused and helpless are better adjectives.

sometimes i think that i need to chill out and relax, but how can i knowing that i'm falling farther and farther behind? i have nothing that sets me apart from anyone, i am nothing. just another fish in the sea, just another piece of dust in the air, just another girl in the human race amounting to nothing, wasting away... i hate that about myself. i hate that i just can't go out there and do anything amazing. and i ask myself why all the time, and sometimes i come up with answers and sometimes i don't. today is an answer day.

i'm not smart enough
i'm not strong enough
i don't have the same goals as others
i barely have confidence in myself

it seems a little stupid for me to complain about how i want to change a million things about myself and not doing anything about it. but i've tried, i've tried so hard... and i burned myself out doing it. i don't think anyone will ever know how much i let myself lower to a level of evil that i would have never expected myself to ever be in in a million years. people tell me to relax, but i'm still in a rut that i seem helpless to get out of.

if i try too hard, my soul dies
if i try too little, my future dies

what is the right amount for a content heart and soul?

maybe i've been running this race too long without the right Help.

God help me

1 comment:

  1. nobody ever told you? Life is a big questionmark and it's always about your content heart and your peaceful soul.

    "There is no light without dark"
    stop whatever you are doing and think, with all of your conscience, what this means

    and then go back to your life and keep on trying and worrying and questioning everything and everyone :) because that's what we're supposed to do


sweet comments.