I've been thinking lately on how to resolve the conflict within my heart between me and this guy. It's been years of my tyrannous hope over common knowledge. I would not call hope tyrannous at all if it were not nessasary.
I've written letters to this boy in which I exclaim my passion and anger towards the apathy he only wants to give me. I've got heart break and tears in those pages that will never be known because I will never send it. If apathy is the condition he is in, then I can't very well change it much. Or, maybe I could. But the question I posed to myself while writing is if I would even want to.
I know in my mind that I am not confused, that I should let go of the hope I hold for this boy. But as I write pen to paper, I find that my words are jumbled in a dismissive crossword puzzle in which does not care for me, although must be solved.
The disregard for me is what I am feeling, and have been feeling for a very long time. And I've tried to fix this so many times, but I find myself without a shred of dignity for myself. You're never to change, and I hope one day you will make another happy. But not me.
Because I see the happiness you have with others and not with me.
Who am I even talking to now? To the readers or to you, you hurtful boy?
Oh, I wish I knew.
Oh my sweet Melissa, any boy who puts such trouble in your heart is not worth your precious time. Really love, you are worth so much more than that.
ReplyDeleteIt may hurt for a while and you may be confused for quite some time, but like my mother always tells me, "This too shall pass."
You're heart is always in my prayers, dear.
Always,
Ellie Grace
Oh Ellie...I know what you mean. Thanks a lot for comforting me, I feel as if no one knows what I'm trying to convey. Thank you for understanding, too. You are a gift!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers. ♥
-Melissa