persuasion into their strong comfort

Is it completely ridiculous the way I write to no one particular? I'm personifying feelings, aggressively pointing and blaming them for the result of my negativity. i want to bash them, make them cry. I'm not in a pit pit of despair, more in a trench of anger.

edit: earlier my friend hit the nail right one the head; i'm so sick of being the positive light to everyone's world. i'm not saying i do not enjoy positivity and light, but dependency on me to make your sun rise is sort of something i'm scared of; i am not atlas and you are not my world. i'm glad a small majority of you i know in real life; otherwise i'd feel guilty for sharing something so blunt. so, i might shed a few tears later and keep going. towards what? i'm not sure yet. a part of me feels guilty for not being a ray of sunshine, because of course there are people suffering more than me and God is on my side to help me through any troubles i have. i feel the heft of guilt, i really do. but when i get down to an organic state of just thinking in silence, i feel....not nothing, but realization. realization that my friends are those who i adore being with, but they are not really there to help lift me up into great spirits. and i know that if i were gloom, no one would be able to hold my hand firmly, persuading strong comfort in their friendship. a certain friend has let me down lately, so it gives validity to this thought. i just don't know, i find happiness in tears, is this so wrong?

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