Losing my will to live every day

So I just tried Rookiemag’s Mod Eye Makeup tutorial— which ended in a mess! But I played along with the other makeup and I think it looks pretty snazzy. I mean come on! I look like a doll!

Tavi is so great, I’ve followed her since about my freshman year and she inspires me to go all out.

Lately I have been "yuck" with my hair; it has been dry and not pretty. I've recently learned how to do a beehive style and can't wait to do it at school !:)

The only thing sweet about me is the heart God has touched

I'm not sure if I think I'm beautiful
If you don't tell me I am.

(is it me or is it you?)

Violet drop dripping from my hair
Oozing red drops dripping from my heart
I wrenching pain in my chest
I am broken, I am falling a part.

In my own natural state do I bare witness to my own natural self
I only see this, and nothing else
I am sin in flesh
I am sin in man
I am cotton washed white
I am cotton washed with amens

God, You wrench my heart
Crush the human I have in me
To get the essence
Of you instead
For without You, there would be a disastrous me

You are in me.

depression takes over your life, your breath...it's not yours anymore. you don't want it to be yours anymore. it's at the mercy of the devil. and that's not what he's known for.

there are things that i wish i wanted to do, but those things lose interest. i want to be with friends, but why be with friends when i could sleep and not be hurt?

I caught myself saying, "I want to go home", but found that I was home in bed. A home is a place for comfort, and finding none there, I was utterly crushed at the state of misery I was in.

I feel like I should talk to someone, but I don't feel like there is a soul in the world that cares. If I don't care, who would care?

Friends. What are friends anyway? They mean nothing to you, and more importantly, you mean nothing to them. They are convenient supplies of happiness that expire within a short amount of time. Comfort? In what? They only comfort in convenience or when it makes "sense". I have no friends. I have curious acquaintances; convenient companions. They are no one to you.

I take that back to some extent. There's always one person to make you smile.

Only Things That Make Me feel Better Anymore:

• sweet things
• mindless television
• shawn (only sometimes)
• sleep

edit: this was a draft i felt was very important to me from 2 years ago. i'm glad i'm better. i got help.

i've discovered myself naked
naked, i mean who i am
i am beautiful nude
i should wear any mask to cover myself
my thoughts
or my feelings
i have discovered myself naked

gosh i miss it here
i'm coming back